Ive always been an actively suicidal person, but i never felt the need to say i HAVE depression. navigating this is hard, im trying to take care of my physical health first, seeing if it helps.. not that im unhealthy, i just... could be better. ive been using "nice language" towards myself, and it does help a bit.. sometimes i HAVE to look in the mirror and tell myself that everything is going to be alright, or else the day feels impossible. but when i dont do that, i just resort to cutting myself. Im not really sure why it helps, maybe because of the adrenaline rush, or a distraction, or because i *enjoy* being in pain...i dont know, sorry for oversharing i guess. i guess its just comforting to put it out there, it makes me feel less guilty, like im hiding a dark secret from the world.